“I'm straight, but I want to do it with a man”

You identify as straight, but feel curious about sex with a man. What does that say about your sexuality? This article explores how attraction and identity don’t always align, and how this fits within the broader LGBTQ+ spectrum without forcing labels or assumptions. Luuk (30) from Amersfoort is sure: he is only attracted to women, but fantasizes about having sex with a man. "I just want to know what it's like."

“I love anal stimulation and enjoy playing with dildos and vibrators. My big fantasy is to be taken by a man. I fully identify as straight, although I might have a bi-curious side. I'm not interested in kissing men, and I don't need to have sex with them. But I'm very curious about what it would be like to be fucked by a man.

I work at a welding company in the Bible Belt. Lots of reformed types and farmers who are, how shall I put it, a bit behind. Very narrow-minded about migrants and gay people. Their world is a bit smaller, so I make jokes like 'Ah nice man, dick in your ass.' To provoke them. They find it very strange that I have gay friends. At home it wouldn't be such a problem. My mom knows I like to experiment. Maybe she saw my toys when I was still living at home. Most of my friends know I have a kinky side.

intense orgasm

When I was about 19, I saw porn where a man experimented with a vibrator. So I ordered one. It was fun, but I didn't always find it pleasant or comfortable. I think there are more men like me who find it hot to be penetrated or enjoy anal stimulation. I think women enjoy doing it less. That's how it started for me: my first real girlfriend wanted it. During a drunken evening, she suggested fingering me. I found it very hot, especially the look in her eyes. She started with one finger, then a second. I felt tingling in my head. I came like a fire hose. The orgasm lasted longer, was much more intense. I felt high again, like climaxing for the first time in your life. You don't know what's happening to you. That relationship eventually ended, and in the next one, sex was on the back burner. She found lingerie exciting, so that was nothing for me. I don't just want standard vanilla sex. Then I really get bored with someone.

That's how I started watching porn again and grabbed my toys. By now it's a regular part of my masturbation routine. Sometimes I feel like using accessories, other times I do it with just porn or in the shower. It's just extra stimulation. I find it very difficult to climax on my own, and sometimes it feels like there's a kind of barrier between my upper and lower body, less connection. I can also quickly tell when a woman is giving oral just because it's expected. Because I'm circumcised, I have little feeling in my glans, so the toys help.

doubts about sexuality

I do find men interesting. I've once been in bed with a friend who is gay, but it didn't go beyond some cuddling and touching. I've had doubts about my sexuality, tried gay porn too, but didn't like it at all. I do think the actor who plays Pacho Herrera in Narcos is a stunning guy. He can take me out in his flannel shirt first, and then take good care of me. It doesn't have to be sweet or sensual. I don't need to be stimulated myself. I just want to know what it's like. Maybe more out of curiosity about what it would be like to be a woman. Women experience sex differently than men, after all.

I have been penetrated by a woman before, but that's different. It didn't feel natural. Women don't naturally have that movement in them, it was a bit awkward to see the first time. In this regard, I think men have more feeling for it than women.

I don't think I've met the right one yet. It's also not something I absolutely need to check off. Not at all, actually. It just has to happen, and if it does, it does. I just have to meet him somewhere while out. Someone South American or something, taller than me, not necessarily muscular but tall, with a masculine appearance. A real guy. He has to seduce me a little. Take me out for drinks, bring me to a nice hotel room or apartment. Then shower first. No kissing, I really don't want that. I'd wait to see how it goes and whether he's okay with that too. Direct it toward what I want. If he goes along with it, great, otherwise I'll leave. I think I'd be on all fours. On my knees, haha, face in a pillow. Him from behind. It shouldn't take too long. Otherwise I'll cut it off. Then shower and leave. Maybe it clicks really well, but after that, it's just done.

If he comes, I'd feel a little proud. I always like it when I make someone else come. Someone else making me come? Good luck. Only one has ever managed it, it really happens very rarely.

If nothing ever happens with a man, then it just remains a nice fantasy. It's not a must. Maybe it will be disappointing. I've experienced that a fantasy in reality is very different from what you had in your head. But it could also be amazing. Good to know.”